The Market Value

How much do you sell them, are they fresh, when did they come, are you going to reduce it for us, can you do something about the price?

These are the questions I hear each day of my life. Even if they are just a today made tomatoes they will still bargain with the price. I do not blame them, yes I don’t. There are a lot of marketers on the market making it hard for we the old marketers to get price. But I never wanted to be a trader, yes not this kind of trade. I had dreams of being a doctor, some banker or even a lawyer. But now I trade when they ask me what I’m doing.

I’m a trader in a foreign country. A country where I know no relatives. Yes they say is easier when there’s no relation because you can’t ask for a lower price or for free when you are not from my family. I get to raise up my market value.

Whenever I visit back home, my old lady ask “ Akosua, what do you do in Abijan”? I tell her I’m a trader. She goes on to ask “what do you trade in and why not come home to sell them here too”? I tell her the demand value over there is good, very good and I don’t get people asking for credit because I’m a stranger.

These lies have found its way to get to me now. I’m 45 years not married no child and business is so bad.

No value now. They all see me as an old cargo. I traded my body in the twenties. I was the talk of the market. I had all my values so at hand. I could go for seven to ten different men a night. I had my fun, the luxury and all the fame in Abijan.

I felt like a queen. I had friends I pimped out. But now, I’m the HIV positive old cargo no one wants. My value is off the market. I can not go home. The shame, the stigma and the disappointment will kill me.

I’m lost with no market value in a foreign land.

The No Answer.

In a world where every thing is possible, we find ourselves at the edge of impossibilities. We look back and ask ourselves so many questions of which the answer always remain the same. In a family where individuals live as everyone for himself, God for whoever believes in him, the choices you make should be extremely thoughtful.

Saying YES to everything because who are you to say “No or Maybe”, the fear to lose opportunities, people and favors compels you to do your opposite. At a point in time, are you start to forget who you are, where you from and where you want to go. You just lose yourself without you knowing.

But wait, we say, at the end of the day, is there something to lose? This is a person coming from no money, no family help or whatsoever, so then I ask again, “is there something to lose? We forget our virtues and personality for the chase of whatsoever.

People take advantage of us each day because we make it obvious we can not do it without them. Our emotions are played with, our dreams are left behind and our feelings are hurt. We cry out with so much pain but no one hears us. Our pillows are always wet and our sheets tore apart. We want it to end but then again, go back to what? “The nothing”?

Not a minute do we think about ourselves because we have lost ourselves to money, attention, addiction and all kinds of sexual pleasure. We’re barely surviving.

The Blame.

At age 15, I had seen all that maybe I think I wanted to know. The good, the bad, the ugly, and the “not to talk about”. A young girl living among 5 other elderly guys made me felt safe but yet lonely. A mother that comes home at a time I’m sleeping, a father that you only gets to talk to in the morning and siblings who just go around chasing every other girl they see on the media or the runway. If you are getting what I’m trying to say, I just want to say “ my childhood was just not right”

At age 23, a level 200 university student, maybe it wasn’t my decision to be single but I had a lot of breakups. For one reason or the other, I just don’t feel anyone is enough for me. Sometimes I want a dominant fatherlike boyfriend, sometimes I just don’t know. For a day or two, I would fall in love. Hold up, did I say “fall in love?” No, I lied. I just may wanna get cuddled or touched somehow. I thought it was love but as I’m writing now I know it was nothing closed to love.

My life was just a piece of Friday “let grab a drink”. I didn’t see anything wrong with going down with someone I met on the highway. I guess my brothers taught me well. Somehow I was lucky I look good so yeah as the saying goes, men don’t say no to pretty girls. My life was a party and I loved it.

Now let get real, getting close to my second semester examination was where I felt I need a break from all this party. That was when Damond got into the picture. He helped me studied, he supported me in so many ways. Yes money wise and gifts. He was one hell of a charm. He never made an advance towards me. He was so nice I could be all shy in front of him.

During the long break, we had a lot of chat, video calls and some few meet ups. I became very attached and wanted more of him. He too at a point in time but felt shy to say. He gathered courage one day and broke out of the shell. I said yes but I didn’t know if I was ready.

He’s nice, handsome, responsible, intelligent, I mean literally he’s a dream guy. But here I’m at final year with him saying “ I love you too” each time he says it. I don’t know if I love him or I just want him to be doing my assignments and being in bed with him. Yes, there have been some 2 or say 5 times I cheated but I still keep him calling him love.

No no… I’m not blaming anyone, yes I can’t blame my dad for not giving me the father love non can I blame my mum for not being there… I just can’t blame anyone for my love life… but wait can’t I blame me for my “Me” doing? Or he is not the right guy as we say? I mean who’s the right one? Can I anyways identify when I see one. Is this how love is meant to be…? I’m a confused girl and I don’t blame you for it, I don’t blame Me and I don’t know who to blame!

The First Friday

The belief of a woman like me being in existence in our generation was a doubt everyone had. My friends, siblings, and sometimes myself could not believe how hard I had worked my way from the bottom to the stage I am. Sometimes, people I come in contact with call me Oprah. They are amazed at how I am still holding up the fire from my early stage of employment to the stage of about owning my own company.

I was not under any obligations to stay chaste. I guess I got so married to my work that sometimes I forget i am a woman. Those nights when it rains and the room come to get chills, where you see people thinking of making out or doing something sexual, I remember there is a book somewhere to be read, some accounts to be recorded, some company to build and it keeps me up all night fighting to make it all reality.

It all seemed to be working out in my favor. Promotions after promotions, trips and money. My definition of a woman from my sixth grade was finally working. I am living my best life in peace and harmony.

And then the Adam’s dream, Jason, a 37 young man who had always been on my doors asking for date. Two days before I unveiled my company, I felt like i should just feel normal for a night. Is just a happy moment and a woman needs to wear some gown and look all made up for just a night. I needed it. Friday nights are just the best night to get away they say.

Jason picked me up at 9:00 pm. We went to one of the luxurious restaurants. We had two to four wine. I was caught up in the moment. It felt so good to hear the music, people dance and cheer. I felt so alive and for no reason I joined the many dancing. I danced as I saw myself in my big office chair and paying all my employees. It felt so good and alive. I went back to the table to pick up a glass of wine I left with Jason. For a moment, everyone in the room was turning upside down. I could not stand on my feet for three seconds without slipping off or something. The wine was just 5% I remember.

I am Ruth, a 32 years entrepreneur and I was RAPED!

He sounded too gentle, he looked presentable, he was cute, he had bold moves, he is a man with a career, he is worthy, yet he raped me. It was just one night to make me feel normal, I just wanted to feel normal, to see the flank of my workaholic life. Just one Friday night. Yes, I am a survivor but a single barren woman and the humiliation and trauma I went through, my company was never opened.

LIFE IS A FESTIVAL!

The more we create space in people’s life they close our chapter but in as much as we want to let everything go away life never closes its door. Every moment spent with someone has to be cherished, life is giving you the chance. People come and go and life still goes on. But life doesn’t seem to end as long as our heart keeps beating. The life we live in now is a festival… It needs to be celebrated. Travel, see places, meet people, make friends, go to parties, dance your life out, buy some expensive clothes for once, save something for an emergency, drink some red wine and pray. Don’t give up!

Don’t let the relationship consume you, don’t let friends ruin you, don’t let family pressure you, don’t let the media corrupt you, don’t let fear get to you, don’t let anger make you bitter, don’t be judgy, don’t allow pain to get to you… Don’t give up!

Believe you are the greatest, the cutest, the smartest, richest and work hard to make it worth it. Look in the mirror each day and appreciate how you look like… Tell yourself all the good words you expect someone to tell you. Create your own happiness and allow others who worth top it up. Don’t give up!

Choose happiness and good health living… And always remember is YOLO and there is no second chance after death… Live life now or leave to regret how worthless you have wasted your time with the wrong people. Don’t give up!

Live is a festival… Celebrate it!!!

The Betrayal.

The call came in around 12 noon on Tuesday. Babe, you know tomorrow is the day and I want you to come over. Out of joy and love, she didn’t give a thought of the schedule she had. The thought of seeing her lover on his birthday got her in a mood that all her friends saw something unusual. For a minute or two, she lost focus in class. The lecturer stood in front of her for some time but Ellena didn’t feel her presence. As soon as the class closed, she hurriedly went to wash all the necessary and got ready for the big day.

The clock ticked off a second to 8:00 pm when Junior called… Babe, I’m so glad we are meeting again I have missed you so much and dying to see you tomorrow. These words got Ellena sleepless. She kept her head around the words and started embracing them bit by bit. But nature also got its spur. She faded off and slepy. Early as 5:30 am she was up. She called Junior saying ”babe I’m on my way”

Ellena got to Junior’s place and it was all relaxation. They got talking and cheering. They planed to spend the night. In bed with Junior for the first time was a dream come true to Ellena. Juniors’ phone started ringing, text from other media. Ellen got a bit curious and felt unsecured. So she tried to use his phone. That was where the tears and all the sorrow set in. With all the love Ellena had for Junior, he was out there flirting with other girls which he claimed they are all friends. Ellen a couldn’t be fooled. She had this strong feeling that kept her thinking something is wrong somewhere. She couldn’t justify it but she knew. She felt fooled, betrayed and depression. On the other hand, Junior was ashamed but had the guts to say goodnight and leave her behind.

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